I normally don't listen to my own messages after I preach them. I don't know if I would call it humility. Probably I don't want to hear all of the mistakes, gaffes, or fumbles that I have made the previous week. I hate to watch someone being embarrassed. I used to walk out of the room when my mom watched "I Love Lucy" as I couldn't stand to watch Lucy make herself look ridiculous. It hurt too much. (Same goes with Napoleon Dynamite)
I did listen to this last week's message though. My wife had made a few observations about it, and I wanted to see if I could pick up on what she was saying. I had skipped around different points, until I came to the conclusion, letting it play out. I realized something rather troubling. I had given the congregation a clear challenge in relation to the text itself. It was biblical, and applicable. It demanded an ongoing exercise in mediation and praise. Yet, as I thought back through the week I realized I had not followed through on my own charge. I don't remember having really done it once.
I don't type all of this to communicate all sorts of guilt and remorse. I'm frustrated, true. I'm a little irritated with myself. How can I expect my congregation to follow in obedience, when I am not even doing it?
I should not necessarily jump into the next week throwing myself into the next passage without any thought of what has gone previously. Rather, there needs to be a prayerful consideration of my own actions, making sure that I am continuing to grow in obedience myself pertaining to what I've seen in Scripture.It is like taking the family on a vacation that is so tied to an agenda, that you don't have the joy of those moments in between, the real heart and soul of a vacation.
Even if you are not a pastor, this is true. The Word is taught so that it may be prayed through, meditated on, and obeyed. Are we making time for that throughout the week after the message, making sure that the Scripture is really soaking into our soul? I am thankful that God has given us the tools of the Word and the Spirit, yet we need to make sure that we use them as He designed them, not according to our schedule.